It’s time for yet another installment of the Mailbag. Remember to email us whatever various and sundry thoughts you may have.

In response to Random Thoughts from the Penn Game…

Despite the fact Doris Burke doesn’t look as bad in person as on TV, she looks absolutely dreadful on TV. My opinion is that “sideline reporters” are the worst pox on the TV viewer ever concocted and especially if they aren’t drop dead gorgeous. And there is no upside to men sideline reporters. None at all.

Wayne K., Wilmington N.C.

While we’d agree with Wayne that the concept of sideline reporters wasn’t the broadcast industry’s greatest innovation, in the interest of being fair and balanced, we’ve composed an essay entitled A Treatise on the Arguments in Defence of Sideline Reporters. (Note the high-fallutin’ Olde English spelling of “defense”):

Chapter 1: Erin Andrews

That’s all we’ve got so far. Actually, that’s probably all we need.

And Wayne’s on a roll in this edition of the Mailbag…

In response to Dave’s Asheville Preview…

Being a UNC grad, class of ’67, and a die hard Tar Heel fan since at least 1957, I generally pull for the other UNCs (ones that are not located in Chapel Hill) and I was delighted many years ago when UNC-Charlotte, lead by Cornbread Maxwell, made it to the Final Four. However, even though the real name of “Charlotte” is still the University of North Carolina at Charlotte, when they started calling themselves “Charlotte,” I started pulling against them. If they want to be called “Charlotte,” instead of UNC-Charlotte, they should change the name of the school to something like “University of Charlotte” or “N.C. State University at Charlotte.” My guess (and it’s just a guess) is that there is something about having UNC in the name of the school that the school sees as being in its best interest or “UNC” most likely wouldn’t be in the official name of UNC-A, UNC-C, UNC-G, UNC-P (renamed UNC-P from Pembroke State Univ. in 1996) & UNC-W. It seems that maybe the 49er fans are really ABCers, so maybe they should just change their official name to something that doesn’t have UNC in it at all.

Wayne K., Wilmington, N.C. 

Dave couldn’t have said it better himself. In fact, we may actually want to get Wayne to write all of the opponent previews from now on.

On winning the December Caption of the Month contest…

This is truly a fine honor to recieve and I do not take it lightly. I would first like to thank my father who’s dry wit has been with me from a young age. My mother also has a keen sense of humor and she is to be thanked as well. Street ball was also critical in my recieving this honor. I probably first learned of the term “And One” watching streetball on ESPN or perhaps committing a foul on someone who and-oned me. Let’s not forget Hansbrough himself. With the steady regularity with which he converts three-point plays, it was obvious that this picture screamed “And one.”

Thanks to Carolina Water Cooler for this presitigous honor. I now have an excuse to go experience the fame that is Jim’s Famous BBQ.

Michael C., Chapel Hill

One thing we forgot to mention, Michael: You can still win the Caption of the Month, even if you don’t have an acceptance speech prepared. We’ll try to remember to add that to the Terms and Conditions.

On New Year’s Resolutions from the Carolina locker room…

I’m glad the players’ performance on your New Year’s piece doesnt translate to the court.

Jason H., Hickory, N.C.

Fair point. They weren’t exactly a creative group when it came to figuring out their New Year’s Resolutions. Without the contributions of Dewey Burke, that entire thing would have been utterly worthless. As opposed to just being largely worthless as it turned out to be.

In response to Random Thoughts from Florida Atlantic…

So what you’re saying is that John Edwards comes in late, leaves early, kicks deserving people out, and basically acts like he did when he was a senator?

Mike S., Chapel Hill

Amazingly enough, we hadn’t thought of it in those terms. But you couldn’t be more correct. Although we can’t recall ever seeing John Edwards do the effeminate golf clap during Congressional hearings. Not saying it didn’t happen though.

In response to a December episode of Carolina Water Cooler Radio…

After listening to the latest show, I would like to comment on the fan sitting near Dave who kept saying, “When it Waynes, it pours,” after Ellington scored. This fan is simply referring to Wayne ‘s nickname: Wayne “The Rain” Ellington. 

Why Wayne “The Rain” you might ask? 

Because he’s so wet. There is a group on Facebook intended to spread the nickname throughout the UNC student fanbase. I tried to invite you because I saw you have a Facebook account, but apparently I do not have enough power in the group yet. Nonetheless, I hope you will join the group, or at least spread the nickname…….Go Heels!

Mark A., Chapel Hill

Since the time this email was received, Dave has joined the Facebook group “Wayne ‘The Rain’ Ellington,” Dave has created a Facebook Group called “Carolina Water Cooler is some funny stuff,” the Wayne Ellington Facebook group has listed it’s website as www.carolinawatercooler.com, and Stillman has joined Facebook (and, if you know Stillman, you know that’s the equivalent of Michael Moore joining the NRA). In light of all this, Carolina Water Cooler acknowledges that it should probably do Mailbags a tad bit more frequently.